Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
