You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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