i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
