im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
