I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
