please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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