come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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