I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
