you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
