It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
