i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
