I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
