Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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