I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
