I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
