Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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