When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
