im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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