the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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