I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
