Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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