i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
