Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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