So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
