3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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