is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Michael Bay diarrhea
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
