Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
