i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
