Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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