Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
