talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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