What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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