the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
