There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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