dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
