Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
