i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
