the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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