No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
