someone threw a dead crab at me
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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