just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
