He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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