capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
