Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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