Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
