I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
