Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
