Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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