while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize