just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
