So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
