I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
