a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
