if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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