I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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