I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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