Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
