Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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