Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
