My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
