How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
