i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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